My mantra

"I'm a booker. I book all the time."

That has been my mantra for about a year now. I was swimming in negative thought during the day, and needed to tell myself (trick myself, even) that I would work. That I would keep working. That I didn't need to worry about the lulls in between jobs, when the next check would come, or the sadness that hits after your wrap a show, because, well...I had to trust that I was a booker. If that's what I wanted to be, then I had to trick myself into being just that. (Even when I wasn't booking a f-ing thing).

Some days I didn't believe it, other days I felt like I was jinxing myself by saying it (or just felt down right obnoxious and silly), but I just kept drilling it into my head.

So today has gotten interesting. I just got a call from my manager that I have an offer for a guest star on a CBS episodic, but I'm also pinned* for a possible recurring on this ABC pilot that I love. They overlap with shoot dates, and conflict with an event I am committed to going to in NY next week. Both are great projects (strong networks, great directors). I gravitate to one role over the other, though. And one also shoots in Puerto Rico -- which would be awesome.

When it rains it pours.

This is when I have to put my faith in my team (manager, agent) and hope that it all works out to our favor (for them, that is seeing if by some scheduling miracle, I can do both projects and go to the event). My agent calls these "high class problems," and he's right. Trust me, I never lose sight of that.

At the start of my career, I remember freaking out, and celebrating over getting one line on a shitty UPN show. At the time, that was a big success. It was phone calls of congrats, and flowers, and celebratory dinners with wine glasses clinking. It was a landmark of more work to come, and a glimmer of hope that said "holy shit, you're really doing this."

If there's any industry where resilience pays off, this is the one.

Afterall, last week I was forgotten, this morning I bawled my eyes out for an audition, and over the past 5 years, I have heard "no" more than you can ever imagine. But today, is a "yes" day.

Point is: sometimes when you trick yourself, it actually works. I believed my silly little mantra, and well...it came to be.