Much of being an actress is about making choices. But not just "actor choices," (motivation, intention, etc) -- but lots of real life choices.
Do I cancel this trip because of a callback? Do I have to miss this wedding because I'm testing for a pilot?
In real life, you hear people say all the time: "I wouldn't miss it for anything!" or "I wouldn't miss it for a million bucks."
OK -- well, would you miss it for ten bucks? Probably not.
What about ten thousand? Would you miss the event for that? How about $15,000? Because that's the reality.
It begs the question...how do you put a value on things that are important in your life vs your work?
It's a big challenge to find that balance. And the plot thickens when it's not even a booked job, but rather a gamble. A possibility.
Example: last summer, when I felt that my life was at the mercy of auditions, I got news of a final producer session for a recurring role. The session would be at 10am on a Friday. I was supposed to be flying out of LAX at 11:30am on Friday for a friend's wedding. The session couldn't be moved, but it was a role that I knew I wanted.
So I rolled the dice. I went to the producer session, suitcase packed in my car, and the second I was done, raced to LAX, parked my car, and ran into the terminal only to find that I was too late. Next flight? Sold out. The one after that? Sold out. Other carriers? Not happening.
For hours, I waited in the airport on stand-by lists, crying, and cursing this stupid audition for making me lose the joy in my life. I finally drove home, and was able to book a flight for 5am the next morning. A triumph, indeed -- but this also required me to get there, rent a car, drive 2 hrs through the mountains to meet my boyfriend and friends, and then turn around and fly home the next day.
It was madness -- but a necessary madness for me to feel like I still had a life.
In this case, the gamble paid off -- I went to the producer session, made it to the wedding, and ended up booking that recurring role.
But what if I hadn't booked it? Would I still be able to laugh at how it all played out, or would I feel kind of like I do now...trapped between wanting something so badly, but also not wanting to resent my job for stealing my life.
Because let's be honest, much of my "work" is auditioning. If I'm not shooting something, I'm auditioning so that I CAN shoot something. And there's a big difference between your life being at the mercy of a booked role VS at the mercy of an audition.
The beat goes on...off to a pilot audition for NBC. Yes, on Saturday. Welcome to pilot season.
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Let's face it, you have a "wierd" job. It's a constant interview. However, if you don't interview, you don't work. That makes the interview part of the job. It's crazy. The closest thing to it is a commission sales job. I did that for ten years. I went on calls to new customers, sometimes driving a long way on my gas, spending an hour or more of my time, etc. to get a "no" and sometimes doing it two or three more times before deciding that they just weren't going to buy. Period. I had to figure my overall paycheck into the customers who bought and those who didn't. Math ins't my thing. I just knew that the only way to increase my business was to keep going to see new customers. The only difference between that job and yours was the hours and the fact that I had more control over the scheduling. That's it. BUT I was never going to be famous and I never LOVED it the way I loved doing community theatre. And I did that for free. Go figure. There is this Henry David Thoreau quote that I can't quite grab onto. Let me go get it and come back. This is getting long anyway.
ReplyDelete"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."
ReplyDelete~Henry David Thoreau
Incredible quote.
ReplyDeleteDear working actress...
ReplyDeletePlease, Please, PLEASE
consider going on my favorite podcast on itunes for actors?
Inside Acting. ( http://www.insideactingpodcast.com/ )
You don't have to give away your identity but this blog has inspired me so much and I think you can inspire a lot more actors through this podcast. You are doing so well being very open about your ups and downs working, I would just love to hear more from you.
Your new fan and fellow actress,
Amber (@freakygreeneyes)
I had this big debate once, with an actor friend who was not sure whether he'd choose between his best friend's wedding, and an important film opportunity. Basically, even if he was the BEST MAN at the wedding, if the call came in the night before, for a well paid job; he'd consider it.
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting conversation, with no right or wrongs-- I could understand why he might well need to take the job; but for me, personally-- I'd want to be there for my friend's wedding. But that's just me.