Life VS Work

Today I had 3 auditions. One at 11am, another at 2:30, and the day wrapped up with the final one at 5:15.

They were all on different sides of town, and very different characters. It was a full day, and because the bluetooth in my car is currently broken (rendering all radio/CDs inaudible), I was left with the company of my own thoughts....

ALL. DAY. LONG.

Generally, I enjoy my own company (in our line of work, you better, considering the process of auditioning is so isolated), but today I was feeling sad, so let's just say my own company was not a walk in the park.

I ended up having to miss this event in NY today that was very important to me (specifically because it is a milestone for someone I love deeply). And while I know that I can't be in two places at once, especially when it's galavanting through Manhattan vs WORKING, it still makes my heart sink.

As I was crying over missing this "moment," a friend told me a story about "Deer Hunter." She said in the scene where Meryl Streep is a mess, tearfully stamping cans in the store, it was because (in real life) she had to miss her brother's wedding that day. Evidently, they wouldn't release her from shooting, and she couldn't stop crying all day long. Her uncontrollable sadness made it into the film.

Now, whether the story is true or not, I really don't know. But in some way, it made me feel like less of a baby for being so upset. If I could have, I would have cried through every audition today.

My agent knew how important this event was to me, and told me I didn't need to take this job. (Yes, there is an agent that exists who is not just money hungry. I adore him). My manager, also knowing how important the NY event was to me, said the decision was completely mine. No pressure. More work would come, he said.

But when as actors, we fight for so long just to get jobs, how can you rationalize turning work (good work/fun work/high paying work) down? Though I've had the luxury to work a lot, I never forget what it felt like to dig through the bottom of my purse to pay my SAG dues.

I hope I made the right decision. I refuse to live my life with regrets, but I gotta tell you....sometimes it just ain't easy, and it's certainly exhausting.

Only time will tell.

Until then I have a 5am calltime tomorrow morning, so it's bedtime pretty soon for me. Off to watch "Secret Diary of a Callgirl," marvel at Billie Piper's acting, and feel grateful that at least I'm not a hooker. Ha.

Now THAT has to be an exhausting job..... ;)