Treating yourself

My audition went well this afternoon -- "so funny, so great," they said. Thanks gals. I'll take it.

So as I'm pulling out of the lot, I decide I want to treat myself. Sometimes this involves a pinkberry, or buying a little top or a little book. It doesn't matter -- it's a habit that I began at the start of my career when I was feeling shitty about all the hustle with little payoff. Every penny went into union dues, rent, trying to keep my car alive (barely), headshots, and gas for the aforementioned jalopy. Plus, canceling plans because I couldn't afford to go out and I STILL wasn't booking. It just felt sad. Deprived.

So I started to treat myself -- nothing big, or expensive -- just little gifts to myself so that my life still felt balanced and happy.

Last year, when I was working out of the country, I spotted a most glorious handbag. One that I had seen on arms of privileged ladies before, and had envied. And there it was. Staring at me, saying "you can afford me now."

I called my girlfriends. "Should I get it?" They all said yes. Enablers.

My NY agent called: "Just get the bag! You deserve it!"

And after biting my nails in agony, pacing the store, I did. And I felt a rush of blood down my body like I was breaking the law, because the working class in me just couldn't accept that:

a) I would spend this much money on a purse when my $19 one from Forever 21 worked just fine, thank you very much
b) I deserved it

That bag sat untouched, in my hotel room for 4 days. I knew I was going to return it. But at the end of the week (the grueling week of forced calls, penalties, and massive double time) I went to the hotel, and put all of my things into that precious little purse. Because I had earned it. I had been paying for that bag for years -- countless auditions, endless hours of hustle. I did deserve it.

So whether it's big or small (whatever is within your means), don't forget to treat yourself every once in a while. You work hard, and you deserve it.

PS
I still use my Forever 21 bag all the time.