An incredibly shitty audition.
Last week I go in for a film with Bruce Willis and 50 Cent attached, only to arrive and see that the auditions are in a room with floor to ceiling glass -- so not only can you hear everyone's read.....you can see it. Everything.
Forget the fact that 50 Cent is in the room. Or that he's flanked by his bodyguards -- (because that makes sense... us actresses, we're mad dangerous with our headshots and sides, ya know?).
Forget that I haven't seen this casting director in a while and want to impress, or that I happen to be completely consumed by other stuff in my personal life at the moment.
Forget all of that and focus on the absurdity that you can see and hear every audition right in front of you like it's f-ing performance art...at the old Death Row Records building....with 50 cent & his bodyguards...and sides that have you crying in the first scene, and in a fit rage for the second.
Nightmare.
I watch the girl in the room. How she cries in her first scene, how they stare at her ass when she turns around for the second; I see the director give her adjustment, and compliment her work ("wow," "really really good,"). They all shake her hand as she walks out, perfect ass shaking side to side, and the casting director gives her a little wink. She nailed it. Who is god's name wants to follow that?
They call my name. Of course they do.
I walk in. No smiles. No handshakes.
I do the first scene. Can't get tears down because I'm pushing and I can feel that it's off, which is the absolute worst.
No adjustment.
I do the second scene. It's awful.
No adjustment.
They all look at me and say, "Great, thanks," and I get up feeling the eyes of the other actresses through the glass who just watched that train wreck. I say thanks and go to open the door to leave, and it's stuck. Of course it is.
I push it forward (nope), I pull it backward (nothin doin), and I become acutely aware that I am now the moron who can't figure out how to get out of this glass cage...all the while I have an entire audience on both sides of me watching this nightmare like I'm in theater in the rounds.
....And scene.
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THAT actually sounds like an awesome scene FOR a movie. I am sorry that it was your real life, however. The good news is that your NEXT audition HAS to be BETTER!
ReplyDeleteOh, hon... I am laughing, but in a sympathetic kind of way. I'm so sorry. Win some, lose some, right?
ReplyDeleteThe door stuck is priceless though. That would totally happen to me.
Here's to better auditions this week.
OH FUCK ME.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle-in-law was AD-ing "Get Rich or Die Trying" with 50 Cent. He quit. and that's all I'll say online.
you didn't miss out on anything except for more humiliation and regret.
If you can handle that glass box of HELL, you can take on anything, girl.
-Am
I'm with Robin. I smell a WA series in the making. Kinda like Ricky Gervais' "Extras", only with an American Working Actress in the lead.
ReplyDeleteYou would rock it.
Aww, that sounds like a pretty intense audition scenario. I think the most important thing is that you went in there, did your best, and walked out with dignity (despite the door issue)! Sometimes we just have to find humor in the worst possible situation and laugh at the horrible "scene". I think writing this entry helped you do that. I'm a 110% sure that you will have a better audition experience next time. Keep persevering like you always do - you're a huge inspiration to a "wannabe working actress"! :)
ReplyDeleteQuite a sign from the universe that you were not meant for that project!! Thank your stars girl. This should totally be a scene in a movie immediately
ReplyDelete