To pass or not to pass

So last night at around 8pm, my agent's assistant sends me another appointment for Monday -- a CW pilot.

Now you must understand something -- for me, the word "CW" leaves the same taste in my mouth as some people when they think of an ex boyfriend, or a food that they like but that always happens to upset their stomach. You like it, you want it work, but for whatever reason it just doesn't. That's my history with the CW.

So the appointment comes in, and says it's for a "16 year old, feisty girl." Ha. OK -- now let me explain something, I am nobody's 16 anymore, and even at 16, I wouldn't have been able to play it because I've always been an old soul.

So I immediately write back to my team: "Sorry, pass. Thanks guys but I think this was a mistake."

They write back: "It's at the producer's request."

So I look at the appointment sheet to see who these producers are, and if they are delusional or just have a vision of me as a glorified 20 something who has been drinking from the fountain of youth. Low and behold, I don't even know these people. At least, I don't think I do.

I call my agent (who at 8pm is out of the office, but his assistant is still there), and I say, "I'm sorry, but you've gotta double check. I have two more auditions that day, and can't go in for something that I am just so wrong for. It doesn't make sense. Why would they want to see me for this?? And on top of that, if anything illustrates that I'm not 16, it's that I'm sitting here drinking scotch and not Boone's Farm." (Strawberry Hill, anyone?)

He laughed, agreed, double checked. And turns out, they're willing to change the age of the role. They want to see me.

This was a great lesson. Sometimes, how you see yourself may not be as others see you, and even moreso you may walk in the door and bring something so new to a role, that they could change it. Not FOR you, but BECAUSE of you.

In this town, you just never really know. And half the time in pilots, there are so many cooks in the kitchen (casting, producers, director, studio, network), that they don't even know what they're looking for until it walks in the door.

Now this is not to say, that there aren't certain auditions that you just know in your gut you need to pass on. Rewind to the beginning of my career, when I was literally petrified of passing on any audition because I feared that my agent would drop me. But even then....I just knew that I was not cut out to be the waitress in some ultra low budget Lucy Lawless movie who ends up getting killed by some peeping tom who likes watching her walk around her bedroom topless. I passed. I knew it wasn't what I wanted to do. Nor was "Wild Things 3: Diamonds in the Rough," or "Poison Ivy 5, 6, or 7...."

Save that job for someone who can only do that. My mom has always told me that. And she's right. If you know you can do more, and by some miracle, you can hold out, then hold out. Because guaranteed, there is some girl out there who really wants to be that topless girl, and will be proud of that. If that's not you, then let her do it.

And pass. Your time will come.

Wardrobe, Hair & Makeup

Just got home from a wardrobe fitting for the show I'll be working on the next two weeks.

I gotta say -- next to the hair and makeup department (which is literally a show in itself on ANY production), the wardrobe department is a special breed.

In the past I've had a wardrobe head tell me to never wear the color gray unless I want to look like I'm dying (fantastic news! considering it's one of my favorite colors). Yesterday I saw that one of the designers I worked with on a show is now on this season of "Project Runway." And today, the woman who was doing my fitting had her fat poodle there, and was fixated on when Mocha Kiss would show up. (FYI: on most sets, directors or a cast member will order a coffee truck/ice cream truck to come as a treat for the crew on certain days...in this case, it was Mocha Kiss, and until this woman got her free frappuccino she just couldn't think of anything else).

Point is, people in the wardrobe department are characters. Colorful, outspoken, uncensored characters.

It's a funny world in this entertainment industry bubble.

As for next week, I have two pilot auditions Monday, then shoot this show Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and the following week. That's what's so crazy. As a working actress, even when you have a job, you are still working on what your next job will be.

I'm telling you, if you take anything away from this blog, it's that if this is what you want to do (what you really really really want to do), you've got to embrace the hustle. It's a prerequisite for the job.

Comedy advice

In this month's WGA magazine, there's a fantastic article from the writers of "Modern Family." (if you can get your hands on a copy, read it!)

Remember how I was describing the difference between single cam and multicam auditions a few posts back? Well this explains it better than I ever could:

[On previous sitcoms (Ugly Betty, Will & Grace), we could get by with big jokes. Here, the big jokes don't end up playing as well. We get laughs out of things that aren't written jokes per se. They're smaller, more tossed off things. Levitan says he often tells his actors not to lean on a joke, but just "drop it off and drive away..."]


Genius. And such a great way to think of it. There's no need to play into the joke. If it's written well, you don't need to "sell it."

Just drop it off, and drive away. Love that.

Post audition grub

Just had two auditions - both pilots: one single cam, one multicam.

I went from playing a young spoiled wife, to a girl who just had her first orgasm with the help of "the Cadillac of all vibrators." (Sidney Poitier's daughter was there too, by the way).

A day in the life, right?

So what does one do after this re-enacted post orgasmic audition? Treat yourself to a yummy lunch from one of my all-time favorite places to eat in LA.

Glorious, delicious M CAFE.

I pretty much love everything there, and highly recommend it.

And here's the thing -- I'm not vegetarian, nor vegan, nor discriminatory of any food, actually. But there's something so fantastic about putting good, flavorful, organic food in your system. I swear I feel the difference; and it's a hell of a lot better than going through the McDonalds drive thru (which, oh my, I used to do as a post audition "treat." And that is just nasty wrong on so many levels).

M CAFE has 3 locations: Culver City, Melrose/La Brea, & Bev Hills
www.mcafedechaya.com

How the cookie crumbled

So yesterday, I told you about the offer+the pin+the NY premiere that all conflicted.

Here's how it played out: I'm shooting the CBS show the next couple weeks, was released from the pin (and it was given to a "name"), and it seems like making the premiere will be impossible (though I'm gonna try my darndest to make it happen).

Two auditions for tomorrow, and off to dinner with one of my best friends, who is in from out of town.

Here's a thought: there have been days where I would make the world of auditioning/hustling/work all encompassing. I would cancel dinners, not go out for a drink, not live my life. And there comes a point where you have to find a balance.

Now I'm not saying go to a raver the night before you shoot something, but a glass of wine here and there are well deserved.

So cheers to balance, and continued success, and to all of us celebrating how hard we work towards this dream of ours.

L'chaim!

Memorization advice

So I was asking around to see if anyone had some miracle for memorization, and an actor friend of mine (who works in a major way), shared this advice:

He said that for auditions, to help him memorize his lines, he reads all parts into an MP3 file, then downloads it quickly to his Ipod and listens to them when he goes on his runs. He says it helps tremendously.

He said you can go to garageband or something like that and can use the built in mic in your mac...

I don't know about you, but I'm giving this one a shot.

My mantra

"I'm a booker. I book all the time."

That has been my mantra for about a year now. I was swimming in negative thought during the day, and needed to tell myself (trick myself, even) that I would work. That I would keep working. That I didn't need to worry about the lulls in between jobs, when the next check would come, or the sadness that hits after your wrap a show, because, well...I had to trust that I was a booker. If that's what I wanted to be, then I had to trick myself into being just that. (Even when I wasn't booking a f-ing thing).

Some days I didn't believe it, other days I felt like I was jinxing myself by saying it (or just felt down right obnoxious and silly), but I just kept drilling it into my head.

So today has gotten interesting. I just got a call from my manager that I have an offer for a guest star on a CBS episodic, but I'm also pinned* for a possible recurring on this ABC pilot that I love. They overlap with shoot dates, and conflict with an event I am committed to going to in NY next week. Both are great projects (strong networks, great directors). I gravitate to one role over the other, though. And one also shoots in Puerto Rico -- which would be awesome.

When it rains it pours.

This is when I have to put my faith in my team (manager, agent) and hope that it all works out to our favor (for them, that is seeing if by some scheduling miracle, I can do both projects and go to the event). My agent calls these "high class problems," and he's right. Trust me, I never lose sight of that.

At the start of my career, I remember freaking out, and celebrating over getting one line on a shitty UPN show. At the time, that was a big success. It was phone calls of congrats, and flowers, and celebratory dinners with wine glasses clinking. It was a landmark of more work to come, and a glimmer of hope that said "holy shit, you're really doing this."

If there's any industry where resilience pays off, this is the one.

Afterall, last week I was forgotten, this morning I bawled my eyes out for an audition, and over the past 5 years, I have heard "no" more than you can ever imagine. But today, is a "yes" day.

Point is: sometimes when you trick yourself, it actually works. I believed my silly little mantra, and well...it came to be.

My favorite tunnel

Rarely do I go through tunnels en route to auditions. However, when going to the valley for sessions, I often go through this one. And I love it. I become the little girl I used to be, who holds her breath and makes a wish.

So after sending said wish into the ether, I get to my audition, and see a casting director that I have an extra special love for. Why? Because, well...she's wacky and crazy, and I guess I appreciate her unbridled insanity. Example: one of my first auditions for her, and first auditions EVER, we're doing a scene for a CBS episodic that literally has 2 lines on the page. They read as follows:

Him: "What did you tell them?" (as he crosses to her to beat her with a pillowcase filled with bars of soap...yes, seriously.)

Her: "No, no, please don't."

OK - so I'm sitting across from the CD at her desk (because this is when I always had to pre-read), wondering how to make anything out of these measly lines, when she slams her fist on the table, her coffee mug shaking, and screams out:

"What did you tell them?!?! What did you tell them, you little bitch, you fucking cunt! Tell me!! What did you tell them!?!"

No. I am not kidding.

And there I am, just as green as can be, crouching in this little chair saying "no please don't," while holding in my laughter at this ridiculous moment, and thinking "Is she really saying the C word??"

That was five years ago. Now I get her. And get that she was trying to pull something out of me that those silly little lines wouldn't illicit.

And I love her for that. Plus, she's been in my corner ever since. And she gives great hugs.

Anyway, back to today. Before the audition actually starts, we chat about life/the exhaustion of pilot season, and she says: "Whatever you do, don't let it break you."

And as usual, she's right. Whether you're hustling and not getting the auditions you want, or getting countless auditions where you feel like you're a chicken with your head cut off -- don't let it break you.

And quite frankly, with as brutally honest as this casting director is, I would say all of her advice is incredibly valuable.

Don't let it break you.

Last week

Here's the Cliff's Notes version of things that happened last week:

1. People at my auditions: Gabrielle Union, Mena Suvari, the girl from "Whale Rider" (who incidentally is not a little girl anymore, and also happens to have a tattoo that says "BREATHE" on the inside of her left wrist), Daneel Harris, Katherine McPhee (yeah, I know - I forgot she was an actress too, but she is), girls like me who fall into the "recurring role" bubble (one had an arc on MadMen, one has an arc on Secret Diary of a Callgirl). Steep competition, I tell ya.

2. My favorite security guard of all time at Universal (who is about 80 and at the Muddy Waters gate), forgot who I am. To most people, this is not a point of interest, but it almost brought me to tears. Every time I audition over there I look forward to seeing him. We chat about everything, and he always tells me I'm gonna book the part. He is the bright spot on some very dark days of auditioning. And he is that personal connection that makes the hustle of auditioning have a bit more heart. He doesn't remember me anymore. Which either means he's getting old, or that I'm not as special as I thought I was. Both make me sad. He was my buddy.

3. I went to a screening and met Josh Radnor (best known from "How I Met Your Mother," but more recently from the film he wrote/directed/starred in called "happythankyoumoreplease"). The one that I raved about a few posts back. So as I'm being introduced to him, my friend says, "she really loved your film," at which point I realize who he is, and let's just say I completely geek out. Not in a star struck way, because I don't get like that, but because I freaking loved his movie. The words "happythankyoumoreplease!!" spat out of my mouth like I am a woman with Tourette's. Seriously it sounded more like "assholefuckyoubitchface!!!!" with an excitement and unharnessed bravado that made me feel like a complete nerd. Thankfully I can laugh about it.

Tomorrow...back to the grind. But for now, I'm going to enjoy this beautiful weather. Hope you're all having an awesome weekend.

The (soon to be not so) struggling actress

There's an actress named Lira Kellerman. She has an incredible blog (www.thestrugglingactress.blogspot.com), and an honesty that makes her instantly likeable. But what I am most drawn to is her hustle. Afterall, that is what connects all of us --from when we're struggling to once we're working. The desire to see all of our hard work pay off. And the trust that in someway, it just will.

Keep up the hustle Miss Lira. I look forward to working with you someday.

The reality of the hustle

Today I feel lonely.

Struck by the pain of this oh-so isolated life.

Now let's be clear. No need to whip out the kleenex and start to pity me. This is not the soap opera blog.

Let me explain.

It's not that I don't have wonderful friends and family. Because I do. A handful of people who get me, and love me, and make the non-working/non-auditioning moments bearable.

But it's days like today. Like yesterday. Where I am shaken by my lack of daily interaction...by my solitude.

Basically, as a working actress you go and play for a week as a guest star, on some show (where you make a fake family for the extent of your shoot days) and then you're back to this grind. This very lonely grind of auditioning -- where the only people you interact with are Casting Directors, and your competition. Not the most welcoming bunch.

The moments in between are solitary. Quiet, and filled with your thoughts. Your second guesses and doubts.

My boyfriend always reminds me of how weird this life of mine is. I never dispute it. It is indisputably bizarre to run around all day pretending to be different people.

My acupuncturist, knowing how much I hustle, said this to me today: "You are too stressed. Too much biting nails. Feet are always cold. Chi is off. Tell your boyfriend to get rich so you rest and have babies. You will be very good mother."

This is off on several levels:
a) I want to make it on my own, and have my own income
b) my agent would kill me. seriously.

Hitting a wall

Last week, I ended up hitting a complete wall. I had averaged 3 auditions a day for 5 days, and had reshoots for the pilot I did from 6am-10am on one of those days. I went from superwoman to the little engine that could.....'nt.

By the time Friday rolled around I wanted to cry. But instead of doing that, I walked into my final audition with a madness that can only be compared to the punchiness of a child right before they throw a tantrum and take a nap.

That was me. A punchy little actress. So much so that when the director gave me adjustment, and I did the scene again, I looked at him and said, "Was this what you were looking for? Because if not, tell me. This is my last one of the day, and I'm not leaving unless it's right."

I think I scared the poor man.

When I got to the car, I saw that I had a papercut on my finger from the sides, and a smear of blood across my right cheek from said cut.

Had this been an audition for Vampire Diaries or True Blood, perhaps I would have been in business. For this, however, I was supposed to be a polished attorney.

Lovely.

Explaining our world to "the others"

Here's the thing -- if you don't live in the working actress bubble, it is hard for people to understand why or even how it is HARD WORK to audition.

Most conversations from non-actors go something like this:

The other: "What's so hard? You just go and read some lines."

You: "Well, it's a little more involved than that, and it's pretty emotionally exhausting."

The other: "Ha. OK."

In this scenario, "the other" is a dick.

But there are some people who really just don't get it. For those people, I would say that perhaps you can explain it like this:

-Do you remember when you weren't working? And how important that first job interview was? How much time you spent prepping for it? And how much you went over in your head what you would say, and how to be charming, and how to not seem nervous, and how to leave such an amazing impression, that you would get it. OK, great. So take that slice of life, multiply it by 3x a day, add crying on cue, memorizing pages of OTHER people's thoughts, then hearing that you didn't get it for no particular reason, and still going into the next one and doing it all over again. 5 days a week. For most of your life."

That should shut them up.

Testing

We are a couple weeks into pilot season, and I have yet to test.

When that happens, I will feel like my pilot season cherry has been popped.

For those of you who don't know what "testing" is, let me explain:

Picture this: you and the three girls you are up against are sitting in a narrow hallway looking at each other mumble lines to yourselves. You go into a room filled with about 15 stone faced, suit-clad, blackberry glancing executives. You uncomfortably try to act...well, comfortable. You nail the scene. You feel like a badass. You look to the execs for some indication of a job well done, but instead they offer a blank stare that makes you wonder if you even spoke English during your read.


That is testing. Oh, and once you do it with studio, if they like you, you go and have deja-vu with network the next day.

It is a necessary evil that I am currently craving. Now, how sick is that?

Submissions

When you go into a casting office, there is usually a little box by the front door. It's for submissions via messenger, or an actor with an extra dose of hustle. I've always wondered who self-submits. Maybe people without representation, or maybe people who think they're reps aren't doing enough. All I know is to go to a casting office, without an appointment, just to leave your pic & resume is either incredibly badass and inspirational....or a little crazy. I'm on the fence.

Today, when I was signing in for my audition, I glanced over and saw in the aforementioned box, a headshot and a big note on the top. It read:

Dear Casting:

We first met when I auditioned for the film, "Due Date" in December last year. I am submitting myself for the role of CREEPY MALE NEIGHBOR in the film "Going the Distance." I played a lascivious security guard in the show LAX. Thank you for your consideration.

Ummmmm.....

I would love your thoughts on this. I am kind of at a loss for words.

Oh lord

Today I had an appointment with an amazing casting director (West Wing, ER, Southland). Now granted, I've yet to book any projects he's brought me in for, but I always feel special when I read for him. Like I'm in the cool kid club....at least in my head, anyway.

So today I read for him for this new Untitled Medical pilot. And before the audition, we chatted about pilot season -- how crazy it is, yada yada -- but I also shared with him that I can't wait to just book the right show so I wouldn't have to audition anymore.

(Sometimes, I get a little too comfortable, and forget that these are still job interviews...bizarre ones, but interviews nonetheless).

So anyway, I do my audition, and at the end, do you know what he says to me? John Levey looks at me and says, "I don't think you have to worry. You're gonna be off the market very soon."

I know, right? Amazing. So sweet. The kind of thing that would illicit a "thank you," or a big hug, or a "that's awesome," or even just a gracious smile.

Instead, what words come flying out of my mouth like an evangelical preacher? THANK YOU JESUS!

The man gives me a compliment, and I suddenly turn into the church girl I've never been.
Wait...come to think of it, I didn't just say "thank you jesus" -- I dramatically put my hands up in the air like I was praising God right there in Building 17 of the Warner lot.

Thank god I didn't start speaking in tongues.

I told you. Sometimes I get a little too comfortable.

When auditions don't go as planned...

This week has been inundated with pilot auditions, and when you're as busy as I was this week, you get into a groove.

You also, sometimes, just lose your shit and end up seeming a little crazy.

Example: yesterday, after a long day of auditions, I had my final session at 6:30pm at Warner Bros, for McG and a few other producers. Now, keep in mind -- 6:30 in Burbank, in the rain, during rush hour, means giving yourself an hour to get there. (not to mention, the time you actually put into preparing the 20 PAGES OF SIDES, and then getting home). So let's call this a 4+ hour investment in an audition that you really really want to book.

Right. Great. So let me tell you what actually happened:

Here was one of my lines: "If you call me baby again, I'll shatter your collarbone."

Here's what actually came out of my mouth: "If you call me baby again, I'll snap your fucking neck."

Yeah....

Did I mention this is a CW show?

The worst part is that I didn't realize that I dropped an f-bomb until a few moments after. So I went from being "in the scene," to flat out being "in the audition." My brain was racing -- "did I just say 'fucking'?...no way did I just say that, is that why McG is chuckling?, oh my god, what's my next line...my chest is getting blotchy....I just said 'fucking' during a CW producer session...this isn't HBO...oh god, hurry up and get this over with....no, no, stop rushing...."

A mess. A hot mess, I tell ya.

My guess: that one's not going further.

Shit.

Little Miss Multicam

Multicam auditions and single camera auditions are two verrry different things.

"Two and a Half Men" vs "The Office"
"How I Met Your Mother" vs "Modern Family"

very. very. different comedies.

Lately, the trend in development has been toward single cam shows, so it's hard to jump back on that laugh track bandwagon, where they want you to hit those technical comedic beats, and be so "on." Not jazz hands on, but as close as it comes for scripted television.

So, my advice when you have a multicam audition:

COFFEE.

That good old fashioned, energy boosting elixir that allows you to go into that room as the most fun, high energy, zany version of yourself. That bookable version of yourself. That "dance monkey, dance" version of yourself that in an uncaffeinated world feels like too much.

Trust me. It works.

I was discussing this with my friend, Janina, who is a highly talented actor, and a comedy booking machine. The girl is funny, folks. And she agreed -- a cup of King's Road (the best/strongest coffee in LA) and you are good to go.

So grab a coffee, and go book it. You can thank me later.

When auditions are good..

When they're good -- they feel so freaking good.

Example: just left Jeanne McCarthy's office -- once upon a time I was petrified to read for this woman. I remember my first read -- sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes while looking up at posters of some of my favorite movies ("Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "Friends with Money, "Lovely and Amazing"). Turns out she was running late from getting her hair colored. We'll just roll over that point.

Having sat there for so long, you lose all momentum, and end up feeling like a shell of the actor you were when you walked in the door.

Needless to say, I bombed the audition. Or so I thought. I actually ended up booking that job. And since then she's put me in a couple other projects.

So now I walk into that room comfortably. Knowing there will be improv, knowing I can relax and really just have fun.

And maybe this is the point of my meanderings -- you have to find the fun in these appointments. And trust me, I know how impossible that sounds.

If someone gave me that advice a year ago, I would have wanted to smack them for just not getting it. But the reality is, when you go in there and have fun, it shifts everything. The director and casting people have been hearing the same words from nervous actors all day long. So don't be that carbon copy nervous actor.

Enjoy it. Play, as though you're in class. Show them how fun you'll be to work with. And don't take yourself too seriously.

Trust me on this. And please, remind me of this.

(I often forget)

While everyone else is watching LOST...

I am reading countless scripts that were just messengered over, and trying to learn lines.

Does anyone have some magical trick for memorization? Some people have a knack for it, like speed reading, or being able to peel an apple in one long strip.

I possess none of those talents, the former being the most excruciating problem to have. Especially as a working actress.

I'm gonna have to role the dice and stare at the pages for some of these. I'm sorry -- it's just freaking impossible to learn 20 pages for McG, and then turn around and know 9 pages of funny for Jamie Tarses, while then busting my ass to get to CBS Radford and do another 6 pages of single cam for producers I've never met.

Thank god none of these require crying...because those reads can make you reach for the tylenol in your handbag like no other.

That, by the way, is a pilot season staple in my purse.

Other necessities include:
-mini stapler
-highlighter
-headshots and resumes
-scripts/sides
-make-up bag
-deoderant (running around can cause a girl to perspire. sexy? no. reality? yes.)
-pens, in lots of colors
-bottle of water, bag of almonds, and an apple (this often has people mistaking me for a young mom instead of a young actress. No, I'm not feeding a child. I'm feeding me.)
-blackberry*

*without which, I honestly don't know how on God's green earth I would get through pilot season. Seriously, what did actors used to do?

Maintaining Sanity

As a working actress, it's imperative to find something in your life that brings you solace. For me, my sanity comes in the form of long runs, acupuncture, and food and wine filled Sundays.

But to be honest, those runs -- man, do they spark something balanced in me. Now granted, I am the girl who runs and does arm circles at the same time (the kind of woman who will one day hugely embarrass her children with these same moves), but for now, I think I'm ok.

It's going to be a very full week. Tons of auditions, tons of lines to memorize, and fingers tightly crossed.

Keep ya posted.