Manager Meetings

So here's how the manager meetings played out last week. I met with three companies -- some boutique, some larger, all high brow. I didn't want to meet with any more -- and I think that's important to remember when taking signing meetings....you don't want to dilute the process by meeting with ten companies. It's counterproductive. Overwhelming. Keep it as simple as possible. So here's the breakdown:

The first one was great -- fun, relaxed...the kind of people I could grab a drink with.

The second meeting was also relaxed, but a bit more official and kind of intimidating. I say this because they played it a lot cooler than the first ones and weren't acting like they were over the moon to sign me (though I later found out they called my agent 9 times after I met with them to express just how eager they were to make me a client). Holding their cards mighty close...

But in both of these something was missing -- I wanted to feel excited, inspired even. I wanted to find someone that wasn't just a buddy, or like-able (because remember, I really liked my old manager, but I like my friends too, and I don't pay them ten percent). I wanted someone who would be a game changer for me.

And in I walked to meeting number three, which literally blew my mind. The manager I spoke with was honest, completely forthcoming about his career highs and lows, and his plan for my career. He told me a coach he wanted me to see, the edits he wanted to do on my reel, the publicist he wanted me to work with. It was not all bells and whistles. It was the truth. Which I find to be a rare commodity in this town.

And in contrast to the other people who were lovely but told me what they thought I wanted to hear, I just fell in love with this company's realness.

It was that simple for me. You just know. Like dating. You know when you meet someone if it's right. Signing meetings are not much different -- my friend says it's like meeting someone once and deciding if you're going to marry them. It's a serious relationship, a contractual commitment, and a decision to dive right in for a future together. It's a leap of faith.

And I must say....wedding bells are ringing.

Only in LA

Very Hollywood

I'll admit -- it's been a very Hollywood week. Lots of auditions, several manager meetings, Twilight premiere, and tonight the daytime Emmys for the creative awards (which I was proud to be invited to, but snuck out of after the ceremony -- no party for me; I just wanted to come home and put on my jammies).

Here's what's so funny about this week -- years ago when I was first looking for representation or taking manager meetings, I remember how desperately I wanted to impress them -- what should I wear? what should I say? how should I sit? etc, etc...

It was never-ending...my thought process, I mean -- because the relationships with those managers...oh, those came to an end.

This week I had the pleasure (and crazy luxury) of only meeting with people who had reached out to my agent about their interest in me. No outgoing calls from my agent to managers. Not one. It was just a list of people who wanted to meet with me. Kind of amazing, and definitely felt very cool.

So I drove from Sunset to the Palisades to Culver City -- meetings across town to be woo'd, charmed and song and danced. I didn't want to meet every single person, and I didn't want to oversaturate the process with countless appointments -- so my agent put it best, he said: "The people you're seeing aren't vanilla, vanilla bean, and french vanilla. They are all very different -- you're either gonna like chocolate or you're gonna like strawberry. It's that simple."

And at least this week that is exactly how it felt -- simple...and delicious.

More to come tomorrow on how I made my decision on who to go with....

Hot & Cold

This industry is crazy. It's hot and cold. It's we love you/you're fired.

You just never know, and as I continue to say you simply cannot take it personally.

Point in case: today. I had two kind of major auditions. One was a lead in a big old studio film with the director from "Wedding Crashers," the other for a series reg on a new CBS show.

Audition #1: "Holy Shit, your comedy timing is perfection. You are genius. Thank you so so so much for coming in. You're just...wow."

Ego inflated, I go to the next audition:

Audition #2: "Good." (Next scene) "Good." (Next scene) "Good."

After years of auditioning, I have learned that "good" and "great" from the CD are synonymous with a baby gurgling babble. It gets them through the day. It's just part of the motions.

What I've also learned after years of auditioning is that often times the reads that you feel you nailed, the ones where they sing your praises and tell you how awesome you are not usually the ones you book. The ones where they seemingly don't give a shit -- those you book. Or at least I seem to. Which only further validates the idea that truly -- it is not personal. Because let's be honest, I put the same amount of prep into both auditions, I have the same amount of training, I looked the same, and I was confident and calm. You do your best, and walk away...because just as with today, you can't control anyone's reaction to your audition. Neither the "yay"s nor the "meh"s.

The beat goes on -- two manager meetings tomorrow, followed by two more on Thursday and then the "Twilight" premiere.

I like busy and full weeks, and this is certainly one of them.

Audition mania

Back from NY and starting the week off with a very full plate. Two auditions today (series regs), two auditions tomorrow (lead in a big fancy movie, another series reg), and many meetings with potential managers.

It's amazing that when there's no longer a lull in my schedule that my fixation with selling out, doing soaps, and having babies dwindles.

This week it is all about keeping my eyes on the prize....

More to come...

The multitalented

I am always happy for my actor friends when they book. Hooray, I say! Because it's a shared success; we cry together, we celebrate together, and God knows we run lines together. And then when you have actor friends who are also amazing at other things (singing, poetry, writing, etc) it just makes me look at them like they are basking in the light of creative genius.

My friend, Janina Gavankar, is one of those people. Talented, fearless, gorgeous, and badass. You may recognize her from "The L Word," or the new ABC show called "The Gates," which premieres this Sunday on ABC. Either way, if you don't know her now, you'll know her soon. I am proud of her, and wanted to share the joy of her success.

Enjoy her new music video.

Bicoastal working actress

I'm in NY right now. Why does it always seem to be gloomy weather when I'm here? Wish I had an answer for that.

Despite the overcast in the sky, I must say that things are looking mighty good. I booked that fancy film I mentioned the other day and start shooting that in a couple weeks, and next week I have an audition for a great new series regular on a show that actually (or ironically) shoots in good old NYC.

Also, we've decided (and by that I don't mean the royal "we"...my agent and I thought long and hard on this one) that it's time to start taking manager meetings.

A few years ago I was in the same boat. Well...kind of. I had left a hoity toity management company and was seeking out new representation. I didn't have nearly as much on my resume as I do now, but I still knew that I deserved better. The fancy letterhead on my headshots only got me so far. If I couldn't get the freaking woman to pick up the phone because she was too busy with ANYTHING other than me, it just didn't seem right. So I left.

Now here we are again -- it's been a couple months since I left my most recent manager. I explained to my agent that this is what I'm looking for now:

-someone who hustles
-someone who can bring more to the table and create better opportunities
-someone who has a shorthand with my agent (because it's always better if everyone in your team works well together and has a rapport)
-someone who has something to prove

And I firmly believe that no matter what level you're at, those are the things you need in representation. It's almost better when their roster is not stacked with A-listers -- because they can make YOU their star. They need to make you their star. To keep their job, to get a bonus, to earn some clout. Whether they're at a big or small company, if they're hungry and believe in you, and have enough charm and moxy to make the right calls/connections -- you're golden.

The search begins next week. I'll keep you posted.

Comedy Actress Roundtable

Another great roundtable.

Some pearls of wisdom in this one (as well as some stuff that irked me) but hey, take the good and leave the rest.

One quote I especially like:

"An actor is somebody who has a big enough ego that they're willing to go out in front of a bunch of people, but also be vulnerable (enough) to fail in front of people. It's this very weird dichotomy..."

(And so true).

I'm the best one for this part. There's no one better for this part.

I say this to myself sometimes. Along with my other random mantras. Because let's be honest -- the process of auditioning is filled with self-doubt, so I pump myself up. Like wrestlers before a fight, like guys doing push ups before they go to a club at the Jersey Shore. It's how I put my game face on.

Today I get to my director session at the Culver Studios lot (which I always love going to because they filmed "Gone with the Wind" there and it feels iconic and charming, and makes me what to twirl and say "fiddle-dee-dee"). I get to the guard gate and they tell me that I have an assigned parking spot for the day. "Oh, so don't drive into the structure...?" I ask...because....well, that's odd.

Here's why: When I first started acting I only got "walk-on"s and had to park on the street. Then I would get "drive-on"s in the parking structure of the lot.....but now they're saying I have my own actual spot....IN FRONT OF THE AUDITION ROOM. My brain can't even process this....you mean I don't have to keep my heels in my purse, walk across the lot in flip flops, and slip my heels on before the read? No. You mean I don't have to worry about quarters in a meter? No.

So I park in my fancy little spot, and walk two feet to the audition to find four other actors. Four other very established actors that I individually praise for their amazing bodies of work. We're talking Emmy winners.

I am surrounded by seasoned awesome stars. And we are all drastically different. White man in his 40s, pregnant woman in her 40s, man in a wheelchair, black man in his 40s. And me.

This is when I realize we are all the only choices for our respective roles. There's no one around me that looks like me, or is dressed like me (in the requisite jeans and black tank...or blazer for a lawyer role). There's no one on the sign in sheet with a fancier agent...because there IS NO sign-in sheet. They know all of us there. We all get hugs. We all get gushed over.

This is when my smile just gets massive and I sit there and take it all in and realize, "I am my only competition."

And as much as I may have said to myself, "I'm the best one for this part. There's no one better for this part," in this moment what makes me want to cry is that someone else agrees. Casting agrees, the producers agree. They only want to see me for this big huge movie.

And I can't begin to tell you how validating/weight-off-my-shoulders-good that feels. Because I have worked my ass off, and finally, FINALLY, it feels like it is paying off.

My point in all of this is that today was filled with revelations:

-hard work pays off
-established actors run lines to themselves, prepare, dress casually, are relaxed and friendly

BUT MOSTLY.....
-you are ALWAYS your only competition. Because yes, there may be a bigger name, or yes, you may not book this role, but by leaving a good impression, giving a kick ass read, being charming and like-able in the room...THAT is what books. Maybe not today, but soon.

Very very soon.

And then you get your own parking spot.
Holy. Shit.

Actor friends

I have never had a ton of actor friends -- a handful, yes. A plethora, no. But that handful has always been to run lines with, text, and commiserate over bookings, shitty auditions, or failed pilots.

I used to have a best friend who was an actress. We met doing a showcase, and she was my lifeline...saw each other every day, ate most meals together, guarded each others' secrets. And then one day, the evil little monster called jealousy reared its head when we both went out for the same audition and I went farther on it. That was it. She severed our friendship. And it crushed me.

From that point, I guess I've been guarded about having actress friends. It feels like we're setting ourselves up for a failed friendship.

This was 4 years ago. Fast forward to present. Where this week I am hanging out with tons of other "working actresses." Today lunch with one that I worked with on my last film. In two days, wine and cheese with 2 girls I've known for years (one that I went to college with, the other that I see at auditions all the time). Dodger game with one on Saturday, coffee with another one on Friday.

And I gotta tell you...it feels so good. To share the success of one's pilot getting picked up, to laugh over a glass of wine mid-afternoon and the absurdity that we can actually do that on a Tuesday afternoon. To have some support. To talk to people who 100% get it. To feel like you're not alone in this often time vacant process.

So while I stress the importance of having a core group of friends who are NOT in the industry (to keep you grounded, to remind you what reality is like, to not make your life all about acting), I feel very grateful this week to also embrace these gals. The actress gals. These chicks, who like me, have fought the good fight -- and keep on trucking, and booking, powering through....and clinking glasses here and there.

Can you feel the girl power?

Ego-boosting auditions

Some days, the audition Gods are on your side. Like today.

I was reading for a new FOX for FOX show (meaning FOX studio is producing it for FOX network) with Speilberg and Chernin are EP'ing it. I mean......maaaaay-jaaaaah.

So major that there are 15 pages of sides, including all of these battles with dinosaurs that are happening in a prehistoric/post apocalyptic world of time travel. I wish I was kidding -- those are the toughest auditions. And by that I mean anything with action, much less with dinosaur-like creatures attacking you.

But I made up my mind to just go for it. To have fun, and shoot the shit out of these invisible dinosaurs, and scream when my comrades are being eaten alive, and commit to creating the reality of this epic event in this little audition room with this little chair.

Afterall, this CD cast "The Pacific," so I'm sure she had her share of auditions reenacting Guadalcanal, and watching actors either going for it, or half ass it because (let's be honest) it feels a little silly to pretend your hand is a gun.....unless you're 5.

Fast forward to my audition -- I go in, and bomb the first scene. She doesn't cut. She keeps rolling as I ask to do it again....and continues to roll through ALL 15 pages of 6 scenes. This I was not prepared for, but I went with it.

Two scenes down and we get to my battle scene. I'm screaming and sweating and tearing up, and feeling like such a bad ass....and then as the camera continues to roll and I'm glancing down for my next scene, Cami says, "That was great. Really great. That is not easy to do."

And I swear to God, in that moment, standing there with sweaty boobs and runny makeup, I felt like a winner. Because whether I book this or not, I made a fan. And that's the point -- as I've said before -- it's NEVER about THAT specific audition. It's always about the bigger picture, and making fans out of producers or CDs who will remember you and bring you in for more. For better.

Today I impressed the unimpressable, and for me, that feels so f-ing good.

Maaaaay-jaaaah.

When traveling...

...and a customs or security person asks you the purpose of your trip, as true as it may be, never ever say, "I'm here to shoot a pilot."

They won't get it...
And they'll probably arrest you...

Back to the grind

So today I go in for this big New Line Cinema film. Big big comedy.

The casting directors are the same women who had me fly back early from London to test for a pilot; the one I didn't book.

Now the last time I saw them, I came directly from customs at LAX and took a cab straight to FOX after an 11 hour flight and insane jetlag. This time I was fresh, awake, polished (if you will).

So much so that when she saw me in the waiting room she asked me what my name was. I told her, and she was like "Holy shit! Hi honey!! Hi!! You look great! I'm so sorry. Of course!" This was all coupled with hugs and smiles.

She then went on to tell me that she didn't recognize me because the last time she saw me I "looked like shit." She laughs as she says this, half joking(ish)....I meanwhile think to myself, "well nice to see you too....&*%$#"

Classic. Talk about rolling with the punches and still focusing on your audition.

I better book this part. That's all I have to say.

Being in your head....

So last week, when I threw out the idea of getting into soaps, my NY agent responded with an email that said: "I don't know how to respond to that. That's not what we do here. Very confused."

I attempted to explain that I was thinking out loud, and when things are slower I start to think out of the box, etc. No response.

The next day I receive at email from my LA agent with an audition. At the top of the email he writes: "Certainly better than a soap."

Grrrr....and then this follows:

Project: Craig Kilborn Syndicated Show (FOX)

Role: “Co-Host”
Seeking actress for co-host. Mid 20s-30s. Open to all ethnicities ! Beautiful, classy, dynamic & VERY smart ! Oh, and must have a GREAT sense of humor...

NOTE: This is a syndicated talk show that 20th's syndication arm has cleared in 7 markets (LA, NY, Phoenix, Detroit, etc.) already for this summer. Craig is attached to host. There will be panel and interview segments. They see this for the 7-8pm slot rather than late night...
____________________________________________________

Hosting?!?! This is where I start to panic. By planting the seed of the soap, did I now make them think I'm not serious about acting? That suddenly I have chosen to sellout and go be a host?

I am so completely in my head that I begin calling both my agents and shooting them emails. I'm frantic. They think I'm selling out, they now think I should just be a host. They don't take me seriously. How will I ever book legitimate high brow work again if I'm off interviewing people?? Again, this is all in my head.

So I pass on the audition. (Because "Ha! That'll show them.")

I get a call the next morning from my LA agent. He explains that I was not submitted for this, they didn't work to get me the appointment. The casting director (who had put me in a pilot and other projects) called my agency and asked if I would be interested. This was an incoming appointment. An opportunity on the plate if I wanted to take it. It had nothing to do with the "soap talk," and there was no pressure to take the audition.

(........Oh.)

I was kind of flabbergasted. In my head I thought I had it all figured out. That my agency thought I was selling out and that I now wanted to do anything, like a little cash cow.

Not so much.

I still ended up passing. It's not where I want to go (yet)...and in all honesty, nor is the world of soaps. I've worked so hard to get where I am that I can tough this out a bit longer.

Re: the soaps and hosting...ask me in a few years.